Finding Me
by Allenfay Angelway
Summary: Beaten and broken Harry leaves the Dusleys to find himself stranded and alone with nothing, who will rescue him? And when he becomes depressed who will bring him back? New chapter, strange visions plague our favourite hero! PLEASE REVIEW
1. Default Chapter

Finding Me A/N: Hello all, this may become slash later but I will warn you before hand and also may contain: Depression/ abuse/ loneliness/ isolation/ adult content later on/ and so on and so on, But isn't too bad at the moment (I don't think) but is PG+13 just to be safe. On a happy note this is Harry Potter, yay! However (sadly): I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR STORY IDEA (EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE WHICH IS MY OWN) HARRY & HIS FRIENDS ARE JK ROWLING AND WE LOVE HER FOR THEM. I DO ALSO NOT OWN THE SONG COLOR BLIND WHICH BELONGS TO COUNTING CROWS AND THE QUOTES BELONG TO THOSE WHO SAID THEM FIRST EXCEPT MY GREATEST FEAR WHICH REMAINS MINE. AND I MAKE (SADLY) NO MONEY FROM THIS AND NEVER WILL. APOLOGY: I cannot spell, never have been able to and doubt I ever will be able to, if you find too many mistakes let me know but otherwise I'm sorry, ignore them if you can. Hope you enjoy, please review if you would like more or tell me if you hate it any review is fine for me! *********************************************************************** Finding Me "Those who fight for life live, those who hide from death die a thousand times" Chapter 1: Running Away Harry shifted uncomfortably in his cupboard under the stairs and tried to think as his stomach contracted uncomfortably with the pain of starvation. From what he could tell he had been in here for three days with no food and only one toilet break a day which also became the only time daylight reached his eyes. He wanted to scream out into the darkness of his cell, where were his friends he thought bitterly to himself, all enjoying themselves like you should in the holidays. Ron's family was in Romania visiting Charlie and Hermione was with her family in France. Harry hadn't heard a thing from the Wizarding world since his second week here and from what he could work out he should be going back to school in two days, if he ever got out of here. Anger consumed him, why did no one care. Sirius, Dumbledore anyone, even Malfoy or Voldermort would be welcome at this moment he thought, he wanted to cry but no tears would come and just as he was about to scream in frustration he heard the front door open and his so called "family" entered. "Did you see me dad.did you watch, when I gave him a left, then a right then he was out and then I." Dudley's excited voice floated into Harry's silent prison and fear gripped the boy's insides. He knew what would come next, the same routine had been happening all week, Dudley would go to one of his fights and come back after winning all pumped up the Vernon would suggest. "I know Dud, why don't you give us a re-run of the match you can use him if you like!" as he motioned towards the cupboard under the stairs with his foot. Dudley's eyes lit up and he ran to the door dragging Harry out. Shaking Harry tried to get to his feet but the lack of food had exhausted his body. He knew he still had visible bruises and cuts from Dudley's last reenactment of his boxing match and wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He stood their waiting for what was to come a quite voice in his mind started talking him through the fear. You could run you know, but then again remember what that lead you to last time, that's right and Uncle Vernon's whippings hurt more than Dudley's punches. Maybe you can steal some food tonight.just breath deep and try not to fall. BANG! The punch to the side of his head took Harry by surprise and he fell slamming into the wall with a thud but Dudley wasn't finished yet. He charged towards Harry who still trembling managed to dodge out of the way but the relief he felt was short lived as Dudley grabbed his arm to pull him up and struck him in the stomach at the same time, it felt slow to Harry, like he was watching it happen not actually having it happen to him, he was winded and fell forward as Dudley ripped on his arm to try and keep him up wanting more and with a sickening crack Harry heard his arm break and felt himself slam into the floor just as Dudley's foot made contact with his ribs kicking him against the wall. Uncle Vernon smiled a sick twisted grin, "that's what you get for being a freak boy," he said before strolling with Dudley at his side into the kitchen. Harry didn't move. He wasn't sure if he could but one thing was for sure, he was leaving here today, now, he would walk to London if he had to but he wasn't going to die like this. Slowly he lifted himself up, he could hardly breath telling him his ribs were probably broken and he realized that he had no idea where his things were but the open front door before him was too tempting and his relatives voices were loud in the kitchen. Dragging himself to his feet he steadied himself against the wall and without a glance back he headed into the street. Panic set in as he finally reached the corner wondering where he would go, what he would do, he had no money, muggle or wizard, he didn't have his wand and worst of all it was starting to rain. A passerby looked at him in horror and ran to the other side of the road. Harry looked down at his bloodied t-shirt and realized what he must look like. He tried to take a deep breath but was caught by the pain in his ribs and covered his mouth with hand to muffle a cry of pain. Suddenly wet and cold he realized his exhaustion and headed towards a nearby park where he collapsed onto the ground and crawled under a nearby bush. He shivered uncontrollably from pain and cold as the park around him grew dark with night setting in, the pain in his arm and ribs was terrible and he was stranded and hungry. Harry looked up at the stars and for a moment he wished he was dead, thunder rumbled in the distance and exhausted with pain and hunger he passed out before he noticed the two shadowy figures of a man and dog entering the park gate and calling his name. A/N Well there is chapter 1, what do you think? I think I will add chapter 2 today as well as work is particularly boring. PLEASE REVIEW this is the first thing I've written like this before I'm sorry its too long! Do you want more? Please tell me if it's boring and terrible I can take it! But tell me if you want more as well or if you want it to become slash Harry/Draco or (and) Sirius/Lupin! (I love them!) Sorry about the mistakes! Like I said if you want more PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW. 


	2. Visions

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed I was so happy and surprised that anyone even bothered to read it! I am so sorry for everyone's eyes I have no idea why it formatted like that because that's not how it looked when I wrote it, I hope this one works out better if not and someone knows how to prevent the rest of us from suffering eye strain please help me! (email: donna_80@hotmail.com or review!) I don't have much more to say I don't think, I hope you like this chapter know I miss a bit of time but I'm still just getting through the into so the real story can get on the way in the next chapter. Please review comments are much appreciated I only write if people want to read. (again sorry I can't spell)  
  
(BY THE WAY: HARRY POTTER & HIS FRIENDS ARE NOT MINE, I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND MAKE NO MONEY FROM IT. THE QUOTES BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER (NOT ME) EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE WHICH IS MINE AND MY FEAR ALSO) THIS QUOTE WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER ON TO)  
  
".And my greatest and only fear is to be trapped in my own mind."  
  
Chapter 2: Visions  
  
Harry woke up surprised by the sound of a whistling kettle and was shocked when he opened his eyes and realised that he was laying in a bed, tucked in tightly between clean white sheets. He panicked for a moment wondering where he was and how he got here but realising that it had to be away from the Dusley and that was fine with him.  
  
"Hello?" he tried to call out but his throat was dry and he barley managed a whisper.  
  
Slowly he tried to sit up consciously aware of the aches and pains all over his body. It was then he realised that he arm was wrapped tight in a clean white bandage and the same for his ribs. He was in a small neat bedroom lit lightly by the morning sun. He noticed that his things were piled neatly along the wall and even Hedwig was there asleep in her cage. Harry was sure that this was a dream, it had to be, who and why would anyone be so nice to him. Realising that he was positively hungry he carefully climbed out of bed and noticed the clean white pyjamas he was wearing. This has to be a dream he thought as he baby stepped towards the door shaking slightly and still feeing very weak. Out of the door he walked down a short hall and into a brightly lit kitchen where to his delight he found Professor Lupin busy over a bubbling cauldron and sitting at a bench removing a bloodied bandage from his arm was his godfather Sirius Black!  
  
Neither man had noticed Harry watching from the doorway the silence between them in the sunny kitchen remained tied and quiet from the events of the previous night and then from no sleep as they attended to Harry through the night. Just watching for a moment Harry's rested his head against the doorframe trying to discover if this was a dream and then to his horror the events of the previous day and night flashed before his eyes. * * * .he was cold and wet lying under a tree in the park.must stay awake, must not black out, must get further away from Uncle Vernon.his eyes were heavy and flicked shut as two figures entered the park.my name.that was my name they are calling me.ahhhhhh! Two strong hands grabbed him from behind, and there was his Uncle pulling him to his feet only to throw him onto the ground again and start kicking and punching him, pain as his scar began to burn he screamed and spells were shot his was as two figures, a man and shaggy dog ran towards him."Sirius?" Harry managed to croak before passing out, and then a vision Voldermort was there in this mind torturing someone. a person screaming, so helplessly, must help them, then Voldermort turned, turned to Harry and laughed and then he spoke to him and AAAHhhhhhhh!!!!! * * * Harry screamed thrashing about on the kitchen floor scaring the two men who moments ago were completely unaware of the boys presence believing him to be safely tucked up in bed. Sirius was by his side in a minute trying to sooth him trying to touch his head to lift him back towards his room but Harry just wouldn't stop screaming. Lupin reached down and grabbed Harry by the shoulders and shook him hard for a moment, much to Sirius alarm who would have hexed Lupin in fear that he was trying to harm his godson if it wasn't for the fact that suddenly Harry stopped screaming and lay in a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor shaking and covered in sweat.  
  
Forgetting his anger that Harry was out of bed Sirius easily lifted the boy and rushed him back to the bedroom where Lupin appeared only moments after with a goblet of something, which was steaming, which he promptly gave to Harry to drink. Coughing slightly Harry started to relax as his vision came back into focus and he saw Lupin and Sirius ghostly white peering over him. Leaning back he managed a smile causing Sirius to collapse onto the bed with relief before giving Harry a serious look that meant only one thing, he was going to have to start explaining everything.  
  
Half an hour later Harry sat comfortably on the couch in Lupin's living room and had just finished explaining to Sirius about his holiday so far mainly the constant beatings, living in a cupboard, no food and then the escape. So far he had managed to avoid telling Sirius the vision he had had and from what he could tell Sirius wasn't aware that he had had one thinking the boy to be screaming about his Uncles fresh attempt to kill him. Sirius had filled in Harry on their rescue mission after Dumbledore contacted them to say Harry had left his Uncles house but Harry wasn't interested in detail all he cared about at the moment was the toasted cheese sandwiches Lupin had just brought in and the fact that he was safe, comfortable with his godfather and his best friend and going back to school tomorrow!  
  
* * * Harry was sad to be leaving his godfather's company so soon but was still excited to be returning to Hogwarts. Sirius had made him promise to write at least once a week and has asked Harry several times if there was something he wanted to tell him. Harry had just shook his head each time feeling bad for lying to his godfather but still not wanting to make him worry any more than he already was.  
  
Farewells were kept short and sweet as Harry was already running late from Sirius's fussing and with the promise of letters and a last minute packing rush Harry found himself sitting on the Hogwarts express heading to what he would always know as home. Finding himself alone as Ron and Hermione were in the prefects carriage Harry used the train ride to catch up on some much needed sleep and found himself dreaming.dreaming  
  
"He is hurt Lord" a small rat like man sneered to his cloaked Lord who towered above him.  
  
"Well then that will teach him to disobey me, perhaps he will need to re- assess where his loyalties lie." Suddenly Voldermort stopped talking, a wicked grin crossing his face and he sat upon the grand chair behind him. "Hello Harry, back again are you" he hissed quietly in his mind. "You should have heard the warning I issued last time and I would have thought that after your summer you would have followed it. Yes I know all about that Harry, I know all, you remember what I said, now stay away, our time will come to meet again, soon I am sure but for now you a clearly weak, weak enough to nearly be destroyed by muggles, yes Harry it will be soon and then I will kill you but for now maybe this will teach you a lesson. Crusicos (spelt wrong I know)".Ahhhhhhhh!  
  
Harry screamed, pain beyond pain grabbed him ripping through him in an attempt to tear out his heart and soul. Loosing control of his body he felt himself fall from the comfortable seat of the train and onto the floor screaming the only defence he seemed to have "Kill me, please kill me now" his screams echoed around the empty train heard only by an elderly man sitting on the seat opposite him. The man raised his half moon glasses and surveyed the boy lying at his feet who was now taking shuddering breaths but no longer screaming. Harry rolled onto his back and looked up into Dumbledore's blue eyes now shining down on him and tried to speak but couldn't. Seeing this Dumbledore merely nodded and stood helping the shaking boy to his feet. "It is ok Harry, do not talk now, if you would just follow me up to the castle we will talk in a moment."  
  
A/N: Good place to leave it for now I thought!! (sorry!) Do not fear if you review everything will be explained soon, including an interesting growing relationship between Harry and Draco (don't worry not slash.yet!) PLEASE REVIEW!! ARE YOU FINDING THIS BORING? (Oh did I mention I like reviews? Desperate aren't I, sorry work is very boring today, it's not my fault!) 


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